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Super Scoop: Text of State of the Union Released Prior To Speech

Posted January 27th, 2014 by Michael Hausam Michael Hausam in Humor

SUPER SCOOP: Text of State of the Union Released Prior To Speech

WASHINGTON, January 27, 2014 – The Obama administration released the text of Tuesday’s State of the Union Address, anticipating a huge response.  It is certainly yet another stunning piece of rhetorical genius that we have come to expect.

Usually kept a secret until it is actually delivered, it is assumed that it will be received unlike any other speech the President has given. Our sources have leaked the following working document:

“My fellow Americans blah blah blah blah blah blah ME blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah ME blah blah blah blahME blah blah blah blah GOVERNMENT MUST blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah  blah blah EVIL TEA PARTYblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah LET ME BE CLEAR blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah EVIL REPUBLICANS blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah TAXES ARE TOO LOW blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I SUPPORT ISRAEL blah blah blah blah INCOME INEQUALITYblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahNEW IDEAS blah blah blah blah blah blah blah EVIL RICH blah blah blah blah OBAMACARE IS WORKING blah blah blah blah blah blah I blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah ME blah blah ME blah blah blah blah blah blah (LONG PAUSE) blah  blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah OBAMACARE IS WORKING blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah  GOVERNMENT CAN blah blah blah blah blah blah blah YOU NEED ME blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I WILL DO WHAT I WANT IN-SPITE OF CONGRESS blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah CARING blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah CHANGE blah blah blah blah blah blah blah TOMORROW WILL BE GREAT blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah (REPEAT 259 TIMES)”

Obviously, some additional flourishes (but probably not any actual facts) may be added between now and the time of the speech itself, but one way or another, it will certainly be an event not to be missed.

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  • Lucka
    That hits the target dead certen! Great answer!
  • Geraldine
    Normally I'm against killing but this article slugehterad my ignorance.

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